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The Nose couldn’t be more excited about 2010, given its tremendous potential for entertainment, outrageous behavior, and overall stupidity and silliness.

Yes, it’s an election year in the District of Columbia! So, let’s get right into the prognosticating.

Mayor BlackBerry
Just what day in 2010 will Mayor BlackBerry lose his triathlete cool and punch WTOP investigative reporter Mark Segraves where it hurts?  The scrappy radio journalist (a Hill Rag contributor) has gone TMZ, videocamera in hand, hounding Mayor BlackBerry at the airport, on bicycle training rides, and at every press event.

The Nose is thinking sometime in April, right around DC Emancipation Day.

Now on to the obvious question: Is there any chance Mayor BlackBerry will lose September’s Democratic primary?  No.  Plus, he seems to have exhausted all the insignificant but illuminating travel-related scandals: 

• Blazing through town with lights and sirens. Done that.
• Driving himself sans police detail.  Been doing that since age 16, he says.
• Being chauffeured in the mayoral ride by an old buddy who happens to have a city contract.  Oops.  His bad.
• Using police to block streets for his cycling training rides and borrowing a homeland security vehicle to transport bikes to triathlons.  What, MoCo doesn’t have bike lanes on the Clara Barton Parkway?  His bad again.
• Going to United Arab Emirates on their dime and attending a tennis tournament that banned an Israeli player.  Mayor/Councilmember-For-Life Barry suggested it would be fun.

Don’t forget all the pettiness with the DC Council: Not handing over Nats and Verizon Center tickets, not inviting Councilmembers to events, not letting Harry Thomas Jr. et al. ignore Parks and Rec contracts, etc.

Mayor BlackBerry has proven himself his best opponent, no?

Will a few more record-breaking winter storms make DC residents forget his cronyism, small-mindedness, and arrogance?  Certainly the Fenty of old, the undisputed King of Constituent Services, was on display during Snowpocalypse 2009.  He showed up.  He talked residential street plowing, trash pickup, and upped President Obama in flintiness by making DC government open for business the Monday following the storm.  He even took questions from the press.

Here’s The Nose’s prediction: Mayor BlackBerry won’t win all precincts in the District this time, but he’ll certainly do better than Papa Smurf Mayor Mike did in New York last fall.

Vince “Holier Than Thou” Gray
The Nose hopes the DC Council Chairman is enjoying the repairs made to home by William C. Smith & Co.  Because Gray will spend this year in his Hillcrest fortress rather than on the streets running for mayor.

Yes, Dear Reader, you heard it first from The Nose: Gray’s name will be on the ballot this September, but under the category of DC Council Chairman. Sorry, Fenty-haters, but Gray is just too risk averse to give up his safe perch.

The Nose sees a few upsides to this.  First of all, our city is spared from even the miniscule chance of Evansonomics holding greater power.  It also ends any thoughts of a Mendocracy,  sad to say, but perhaps The Nitpicker is better off on the far end of the dais.

The DC Council Chairman has disappointed at times, but lately The Nose has renewed hope.  Gray ushered through the marriage equality bill with tact and displayed unusual independence from Evansonomics by voting against a $7 million tax giveaway at the last council session.  The Nose hopes this is a recurring trend.

R. Don “I’m Back” Peebles
It’s already getting a little chilly, isn’t it R. Don?

But with Gray out of the field, Peebles will throw his hat in the ring.  Unfortunately for him, he’s about 20 years too late for the “run-DC-like-a-business” kind of campaign.  DC voters swept Mayor Sharon Pratt out with her broom after one term, and others such as former Verizon executive Marie Johns have gotten a similar reception.

The Nose’s prediction? Peebles will relocate permanently to Miami by this Thanksgiving.  Give our best to Crockett and Tubbs when you get back down there, R. Don.

Michelle Un-Rhee-sonable
Will the DC schools chancellor make more headlines for her progress in DC schools or her romance with former Phoenix Suns star and current Sacramento mayor Kevin “KJ” Johnson?

The Nose bets on the latter, especially when KJ provides more scandal.

Harry “Old School” Thomas Jr.
The Ward 5 Councilmember will be sad 2009 is over. His usually invisible ward, and equally undetectable council committee, got more than 15 minutes of fame as he lead the charge against the Parks and Rec contracting mess.

Will the affable rep be able to keep up the spotlight? Will The Nose figure out whether he prefers Harry or Tommy?  The answers to both questions likely are no.

Dennis “Rube’s Rules” Rubin
The DC fire chief is The Nose’s favorite Fenty administration official, hands down.  Who else could withstand a prostitution scandal in his department, life-threatening screw-ups, and now a cushy pension deal for an underling and still be in office?

The Rube’s rank and file will certainly create more headaches for him, but these embarrassments will only be covered in the Washington Times and The Washington Examiner because The Washington Post (aka WaPo, “With Adrian, Preventing Objectivity”) will continue to ignore this very important department.  Though The Nose certainly wishes no personal ills on DC’s pretended paper of record, if Executive Editor Marcus Brauchli et al. had to rely upon DC’s finest in an emergency, perhaps they would cover this department a little more thoroughly.

Tommy “Bleeding Heart” Wells
The Ward 6 Councilmember has oversight over at least one-quarter of the DC government as head of the Committee on Human Services. His latest legislative move? Introducing legislation to ticket those who don’t shovel their sidewalks in his “Livable-Walkable” universe.

C’mon Tommy. The Nose supports this only if the revenue goes directly to funding programs that actually make this city more livable, like for literacy and job training.

David “Can’t Stand Ya” Catania
Another You-Heard-It-First from The Nose: Catania will be a mayoral candidate four years from now.  Just think about all the national press if DC elected a gay mayor—who by then could be married?  Girlfriend, it would be awesome.

Colbert I. “Whup It Good” King
Is The Nose the only one to notice The King of the Saturday editorial page a little adrift lately? The H Street shuttle, Colby?

The DC Council gave preliminary approval to more than $10 million in tax breaks to Donatelli Development, $7 million to a real estate research firm that sounds like Star Wars, and the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist is concerned about $200,000 to the H Street bus?

Is he just heartbroken that favorite whupping boy Vinny Schiraldi left for New York?

The Nose hopes Santa gives Colby his groove back.