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The Ghost of Christmas Past
Eastern Market can be a delightful place to stroll during the holidays, filled with the scent of Christmas trees; there are rows of handmade crafts to choose from and delicious homemade pies on offer as well as roasted chestnuts to enjoy on cold, crisp days.
But for some of us, the cheerful festivities of the holiday can evoke painful and lonely feelings -- especially for people who are alone or far away from those they love. It can feel like we are left out in the cold while the rest of the world gathers together to celebrate.
Even for those with partners and families near by, holidays expectations can often be unrealistic. We see images of the perfect gathering -- a Hallmark Card experience -- a time when we will be surrounded by loved ones as we sit by the warmth of the hearth and share a sumptuous meal. These are images of Christmas that come from our culture, and the pressure of trying to fulfill these expectations -- or the lack of opportunity to even try -- cause many of us to be unhappy during the holiday season.
A Change of Heart
For those of us who struggle during the holidays, there is another possibility. It starts with being willing to be curious. If the traditional holiday isn’t working for us or isn’t available to us, how else can we think about this time of year? Can we let go of the way we think we should be celebrating? Can we release the tight grip of our expectations or the expectations of family?
There’s an old story about a mother who explains to her daughter that before baking the Christmas ham it is important to cut off the narrow end. When the daughter asks why, the mother patiently tells her that her own mother always did it that way -- it is traditional. But when the daughter calls her grandmother to ask about this tradition, the grandmother says the only reason she trimmed the narrow end of the ham is because otherwise it wouldn’t fit in her roasting pan.
Some traditions are based on very old practices and serve to help us through the season and some traditions may no longer useful. For example, before the invention of electricity, community gatherings were practical. They served to create good cheer in the midst of the cold and dark of winter. “Accidental” traditions -- like trimming the ham -- may serve no real purpose.
Make a list of your holiday traditions, not only the logistical (i.e. spend holidays with family, buy perfect gifts for everyone) but your emotional traditions too (i.e. begin the holiday season with happy expectations, arrive after long flight/drive bedraggled, then soon after, begin quarreling with siblings and/or parents, end holiday season depressed, angry or emotionally exhausted.)
You need not share this list with anyone so you can be completely honest with yourself. Take a good long look at your list and ask yourself which of these traditions you would like to carry forward and which ones may no longer serve you.
You might also yourself, “What would it be like if I didn’t …” (fill in the blank with a tradition). This questioning gives you permission both to evaluate past traditions and reconsider them from a place of personal truth rather than from obligation. It serves to open your mind and heart and gives you an opportunity to be free to wonder.
A change of heart by its very nature requires some soul searching. Ask yourself what the holidays mean to you. You might have religious beliefs that you wish to honor during the season, or perhaps doing volunteer work with those in need would be fulfilling. Maybe what this time of year means to you is more about the changing of the seasons - the waning daylight and onset of winter. Or, in spite of what everyone else is up to, you might prefer to spend the day like any other day off work -- as a day to hang out and relax.
What if you gave yourself permission to experiment, to create a new way of celebrating that is more satisfying or contributes in some way to others? Could you let yourself be creative? Could you have a change of heart?
Make a list of several ways to celebrate the holidays you have never tried before - and choose one makes you laugh, inspires you or moves you in an open hearted way. Also feel free to learn from the experience -- even if it turns out not to be the perfect way to spend the holidays.
If you choose to celebrate simply, i.e. taking a day to relax, remember you will be going against the flow. One way to make the day special is to put yourself in the path of beautiful landscapes, art or music, allowing yourself to escape your routine. Or you might decide to rest and do something restorative.
Whatever you choose to do during the holidays, we invite you to be the author of that experience - to be an active participant – whether that means celebrating in a traditional way or creating your own tradition. We wish you a happy, safe, and mindful holiday season! |
