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July 29th, 2012

Me And My Shadow

The May Nose

If you really need a friend in Washington, get a dog. There is something to be said for this old piece of wisdom. After all, what would Fido say to the FBI agent knocking on his door?

I Wanna Be Elected By You!

The April Nose

The votes have been counted. The primaries are over. Will anyone miss the oceans of yard signs or those tedious debates? The Nose, for one, will not be disappointed to go back to spending evenings reading the ravings of Menken while sipping his favorite poison.

Yet, the close voting margins in the At-Large race will drag out the campaign, Al Gore style, for the next several weeks.

Poor V.O.

Every time I say “F U”

The March Nose


The other evening The Nose was sipping a Manhattan while reminiscing over his misbegotten youth. Ah, those long ago times. How simple they were. Back then, the worst taunt on the playground was, “Your Mother wears army boots!”

Of course, neither The Nose nor the compatriots of his tender years ever dreamt that they were conflating motherhood and sex work. The implication was simply too subtle for such young imaginations to grasp.

The Nose expects members of our mightily esteemed DC City Council to be more astute and creative.

Save DC's True Washingtonians!

The February Nose


Why is it that our politicians always have to kowtow to the hacks in Richmond? Dear Readers, The Nose has had it. It is time to declare war on these meddling neighbors who clog our streets with their SUVs!

So, when Councilmember Mary “The Professor” Cheh recently faced off against Virginia Attorney General Ken “The Creep” Cuccinelli over her recently authored Wildlife Protection Act of 2010, The Nose’s ears perked up.

The Councilmember of La Mancha

The January Nose

Recently, The Nose was out drinking in the wilds of Outer Caucasia. Where might you ask is that, Dear Readers? Well, it is the region just behind the Capitol that never tiring of Fenty fell deeply in love with Mara. This once down-on-its-heels neighborhood, known colloquially as “The Hill” now boasts, some of the most expensive Victorians in our fair metropolis.

July 24th

“Back away from the pizza, Sir.”

Eating Healthy from a Corner Store

I’m standing in front of a refrigerator full of fresh vegetables and what I really want to do is order a pizza. Apparently, I’m not alone.

Dining Review: Jose Andres Culinary Homage to Miro at the NGA

A Platter of Escape

As Capitol Hill residents, we sometimes take for granted the wealth of treasure that sits practically in the backyard, on the National Mall. But there’s currently an exhibit at the National Gallery that’s not to be missed—especially since it comes with food at the end.

Dear Problem Lady


Is there a way to stop squirrels from devouring our tomatoes just as the tomatoes start to ripen?