Three Strikes & You're Out!

The August Nose


The Nose, Dearest Readers, is pleased to announce his transmigration into this ether realm of the World Wide Web with this small column. No, as yet, you cannot find him fiddling with his phone in a vain attempt to tweet his foolish musings to a host of followers stranded in their own ennui.

Neither will you find digital representations of The Nose’s bacchanalian pastimes on Facebook.

No, Dear Readers, you still can’t ‘like’ The Nose.

Henceforth, however, The Nose requests the pleasure of your company on a more regular virtual basis in addition to continued monthly dalliances in newsprint.

Now, let us turn our attention to the issue of the day, the state of Mayor Vincent “The Undertaker” Gray.

In The Nose’s sage opinion, Candidate Undertaker made John Q. Public three essential promises:

  1. No Nepotism or Cronyism!
  2. Honesty!
  3. I am not a JERK like the bald guy!

Candidate Undertaker repeatedly pointed to the shenanigans of The Jerk’s fraternity brothers at every campaign stop hinting at larger issues of corruption.

Within weeks of Gray’s surprising victory, his closest coterie of castoffs from the Pepco administration of Sharon Pratt Kelly awarded themselves excessive salaries and perks while stashing their progeny throughout the city government in lucrative sinecures.

Promise #1: broken.

Recently, our friends at THE OTHER NEWSPAPER (aka The Washington “Suburban” Post), discovered that the Mayor Undertaker had been aware of the so-called Shadow Campaign as early as January.

Did The Undertaker think a secret $653,000 a sum too paltry to mention to the public?

What about the other $100,000 that was misreported as a campaign salary, but was actually spent as “Walking Around Money?”

The Nose, Dear Readers, would love to walk around with 1,000 Benjamins in his pocket. Imagine what a tab he could run up at the Tune Inn? He could stand every man, woman and child on Capitol Hill a drink off the top shelf, or even open the entire bar for twenty four hours!  GOTV, baby!

Candidate Undertaker promised voters to be clean and transparent.

 Promise #2: broken!

Recent Mayoral appearances have taken on all the horrible aspects of a full-scale bear baiting. The Nose is amazed this scrum has resulted in no injury to his fellow scriveners.

Promise #3 has yet to fall by the wayside.

So, in a parenthetical sense, Undertaker is still at bat. Here is a song in his Honor:

Take me out to the Wilson Building,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some Gift Cards and Snack Packs,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me vote, vote, vote for the Undertaker,
If he doesn't win, it's a shame.
For it’s one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the DC political game.

The real question is, “Can the federal prosecutors throw a strike?”

Find The Nose at his new webside

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