Thanksgiving is traditionally a holiday to acknowledge and appreciate the abundance we have received. Historically the holiday was celebrated at the conclusion of the harvest season and was a time to give thanks for the bounty that nature provided us. In modern times, we also take the opportunity during the Thanksgiving holiday to thank and appreciate the people in our lives that are important to us. Often, however, we forget to include appreciating and thanking ourselves – for our hard work, our commitments to family and friends, and even more basically for the unique value that each of us brings to life.

Why Acknowledge and Appreciate Ourselves?
Research shows that people who feel good about themselves and place value on themselves because of who they are – who feel worthy, deserving and entitled to happiness – are healthier, happier and more confident people.

Feeling good about yourself – feeling worthy of happiness – affects our behaviors and actions and gives us the courage to try new activities, contribute to others and expand our resilience to meet life’s challenges. Nathaniel Branden, a Ph.D. psychologist respected for his research in building self-esteem, has said that positive self-esteem can be seen as the immune system of consciousness – providing people with the strength to deal with adversity.

What is Self-Esteem?
Branden defines self-esteem as the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. This means that a person with high self-esteem has the confidence in their ability to make decisions, manage change, think and learn. It also means that they have self-respect – the confidence in their right to be happy and that achievement, success, friendship, love and fulfillment are appropriate for themselves.

Working on self-esteem directly does not help, however, because, as Branden points out, self-esteem is a consequence – a product of internally generated practices. Having certain practices become an integral part of a person’s life is what strengthens self-esteem.

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
After three decades of study on self-esteem, Branden identified six practices that he believes are crucial and fundamental to positive self-esteem:

1. The practice of living consciously: Being willing to examine one’s life and honoring “sight over blindness” rather than choosing to live in a self-induced mental fog.
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance: The refusal to regard any part of yourself – your body, your fears, your thoughts, actions and dreams as “not me.” The refusal to engage in an adversarial relationship with one’s self.
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility: Taking responsibility for one’s life and well-being. Being responsible for one’s personal happiness, desires, choices, and actions. Being responsible for the level of consciousness that one brings to one’s work, relationships. Being responsible for choosing the values by which one lives.
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness: This is the virtue of appropriate self-expression – honoring one’s needs, wants, values and convictions and seeking rational forms of their expression in reality.
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully: To use your powers for the attainment of the goals that you have selected.
6. The Practice of Integrity: When one’s behaviors are congruent with one’s professed values (when ideals and practice match).

Self-esteem is a basic human need and in indispensable to health development. Those people who can learn to have a realistic confidence in their mind and their value, who feel secure within themselves, will tend to experience the world as open to them. Positive self-esteem can be seen to energize and motivate a person and can inspire a person to take pleasure and pride in their accomplishments. Research reveals that high self-esteem is one of the best predictors of personal happiness.

This Thanksgiving, why not practice living consciously? Why not work on self-acceptance – the virtue of commitment to the value of one’s own self? Refuse to have an adversarial relationship with any part of yourself. Consider the act of valuing yourself and your wants as a move toward strength and an act of taking responsibility for own happiness. It’s not only good for you, it’s good for the people around you too.

Ronda Bresnick Hauss is a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of the Quiet Waters Center for Trauma, Stress and Resilience, on Capitol Hill. She uses an integrative & holistic approach to psychotherapy – addressing the connection between the mind, body and spirit through the use of traditional talk therapy, meditation, visualization and creative, non-verbal techniques. She can be reached at: 202-544-5050 and is on the Web at: www.quietwaterscenter.com.